A Tickle Me Hellmo Christmas
by MightierThantheSword
Summary: Everyone's favorite Sadist doll appears in this grim holiday story. Did Little Billy get what he wanted for christmas? Starring cameos by: Nny, Nail Bunny, Noodle Boy


A Tickle Me Hellmo Christmas  
  
Poor little Billy. His mother, June, and father, Steven wanted to make their son Billy very happy with the new toy that everyone wanted.  
  
The Tickle Me Hellmo.  
  
Every kid at the playground that wasn't burned or horribly maimed were all happily playing with their Tickle Me Hellmo's (before they had to be carried out on a stretcher). And every day Billy would sit and sigh wishing he had a toy that impaled his hands or sprayed him with flesh eating fire ants. But his parents were always a little too slow to get it at Christmas. Every year, they came so close to nabbing one of those sadistic toys that children love so much, yet every year they came short and little Billy had to settle to with something that his parents had to pick out themselves and indicated some form of care other than buying love. But not this year. This year they had a plan for getting the doll and changing little Billy's Christmas forever.  
  
Little Billy sighed quietly as he drove home from his Grandmother's house where he had just been to a family Christmas Party. As usual his Grandmother got him miserably lame clothing, and his cousins got the same. Sometimes he wondered why she didn't just roll over and die. That or learn to try and buy his love with material goods. "Did you get what you wanted, Billy?" June asked from the passenger seat. "No, I just got designer clothes and some stupid books that are supposed to be entertaining while educational. They're stupid!" he shouted, kicking the back of Steven's seat. Steven chuckled to himself as they drove home, "Well, who knows, maybe Santa will get you want." he said looking at little Billy through the rear view mirror, "I doubt it. He never does. I hope Satan consumes his fat jolly soul." Little Billy shouted throwing a Happy Noodle Boy action figure at the back of his mother's seat. It landed on the floor board shrieking one of it's many action phrases, "TESTICLES! HOW DARE YOU STARE AT MY EPIDERMIS WITH YOUR PURPLE TONGUE! DOE'S MY TWINKIE STUFFING POWER MAKE YOU GASOUS!" It shouted staring blankly up at the cieling. June sighed quietly as they pulled into the driveway, carrying their gifts inside.  
  
Christmas Day dawned bright and beautiful. The sun illuminated a snowy white world of untainted white beauty. Billy hissed staring out at the happy little world with contempt, "Those assholes all got what they wanted for Christmas." he muttered quietly, making his way downstairs. He was expecting more "stuff". Maybe that Kringle moron left the same thing he usually left. Family oriented gifts. That or coal. It was usually coal, except when his parents payed off Santa to switch Billy's gift with some starving child in New York. Billy yawned making his way to the living room. He gazed in wide-eyed wonder at the toy Santa had left on the coffee table.  
  
There on the coffee table was a large bright box with a happy red doll in it. The one. The only. Tickle Me Hellmo. A tear ran down his cheek, as he sat there gazing at the idol he had always wanted. Steven and Jane came downstairs yawning. Jane looked like she had been drinking and Steve's eyes were pink indicating he had a very merry Christmas indeed. Billy turned around, almost at a loss for words. "Mommy, Daddy! Santa brought me a Tickle Me Hellmo!" He shrieked happily tearing through the box, like a homeless man opening a can of tuna who hadn't eaten in a week. Jane smiled warmly at him, "See, Honey? Santa did get you want." She said in her most strained maternal voice. Billy smiled at her, "Shut up so that I may enjoy this moment." he said rushing up to his room. This was his best Christmas ever.  
  
Billy plopped down on his bed, holding the plush red bundle of joy. His fingers itched with something he had wanted to do since he saw it on "Toys that You Would be Unpopular If You Didn't Have". It was one of his favorite shows when it came to twisting his parent's arms into buying something he would play with for five minutes before tossing it aside like used toilet Paper. Billy reached forward to tickle the wonderful little doll.  
  
"HEE HEE HEE! THAT TICKLES!" It shouted, starting to jiggle like the shoebox under Mom's side of his parents bed. He never understood what that doohicky in the box was for. Billy smiled widely feeling very fullfilled inside. He couldn't believe his fortune. Billy's hands darted forward taking the doll into a tigh loving hug. Little did Little Billy know he was about to activate the wierder sides of Tickle Me Hellmo.  
  
As Billy hugged the doll it activated another one of it's many functions, "HEY! GET OFF ME! WHY IS IT EVERYTIME I SAY SOMETHING, YOU HAVE TO GET PHYSICAL? DO YOU THINK I WANT YOU FONDLING ME MAKES ME HAPPY? WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS? I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU DON'T LOVE ME; YOU JUST ENJOY SEEING ME WRITHE AND GIGGLE FOR YOU!" It shouted keeping it's sewn on smile. Billy put the doll down slowly, looking at it for a moment. That was strange, but it was better than his other doll.Billy shrugged, deciding perhaps it wasn't as bad as he thought. Billy picked the doll up again smiling at it. Maybe the voice chip was messed up. It would figure that fat moron would mess it up. Billy gave the toy another squeeze hoping to see it giggle again.Billy was hopelessly wrong.  
  
The toy churned and gurgled before an explosion of crimson blood spewed from the lips of the toy, splattering across the room. Billy screamed while the Tickle Me Hellmo screamed louder. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME! JUST LOOK! WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING! I'M BLEEDING NOW!" It shrieked. There was so much blood it was a wonder it didn't stop. Finally, after gallons of life fluid had been regurgitated from the toy, it finally stopped. By the time, the blood had finally stopped flowing, the room was covered top to bottom with red fluid. Billy sat there for a moment covered in bodily fluids, staring at the toy, "That....was....cool!" he shouted, jumping up and down on the bed. It squished slightly from the blood soaked into the sheets. Billy grinned giving the doll another squeeze. Nothing happened. Billy arched a brow, feeling annoyed. Billy tossed the doll on the bed, hating it now. From the floor beneath him, he heard his mother's voice, "Billy! Time for breakfast!" she shouted. Billy rolled his eyes, making his way downstairs.  
  
"It's your favorite cereal!" his mother cooed sitting a bowl in front of him. He rolled his eyes resenting the idea that she would know his favorite anything. Billy took a bite of his favorite chocolate cereal, before spitting it back out. Disgusting, it tasted like pork. Little Billy glared at her, that stupid mother got "Pork-O's" by mistake. "Mom! This isn't my favorite! You know pork makes me sick!" he shouted, knocking his bowl off the table. It clattered to the floor, spilling chocolate cereal everywhere. Billy spent the next five hours going through foods. No matter what he tried, it all tasted like pork. "EWW!" he shouted clutching his stomache which had at this point taken to churning and gurgling with illness. "Oog...I'm going upstairs." he muttered walking slowly upstairs.  
  
Billy openned the door to find that the Tickle Me Hellmo had decided it was time for another one of it's Oh-So-Fun functions. It was dressed in a black "MOPE" shirt, sprawled out upon the bed. It looked at Billy as if expecting Billy to fall dead, before sighing and going into a tragically miserable goth poem.  
  
Darkness envelopes my dying soul,  
  
Never to fill the burning hole,  
  
Of Hell which has become my life,  
  
So filled with misery and strife,  
  
Take the dagger and plunge my heart,  
  
The life I knew was doomed from the start.  
  
Fo...  
  
Billy couldn't stand to listen anymore. He clutched his ears trying to drown out the whiny poem spewing from the doll. Then it struck Billy. Maybe he would just squeeze it again and activate a differant function. Billy picked the doll up under it's armpits giving it a squeeze. It abruptly stopped, and got an evil glare in it's eye, "YOU WANT TO HUG ME? FINE! HUG ME!" It shrieked. Billy didn't have time to prepare for what happened next. With a deft whir and click two metal sharpened prods darted out of the sides of the doll impailing Little Billy's hands. They were hooked at the end so there was little hope of pulling his hands off without ripping them to shreds. Billy screamed at the top of his lungs for a while, before his vision failed and he fell to the ground unconcious.  
  
The room slowly faded into view. "Ughhh..." Billy said holding his head with a holey hand. He looked around quietly. It was bedtime. Billy sighed quietly, pulling the bedsheets up to his chin, glad that such a stressful day was over. Billy was about to fall asleep when he felt something budge under his bed. Billy clutched the sheets tightly, too afraid to move. Was it the doll making all that noise? Billy pulled the sheets over his head, shaking and sweating. "It's okay, I'll pull down the sheets and there will be nothing there." he said trying to convince himself. He took a heavy breathe, sighing slowly. He felt better now. He would do it. Billy pulled down the sheets letting out a blood curdling scream, crooked tongue darting out of his mouth.  
  
There, sitting at the foot of the bed was none other than the Dark Lord himself. Billy shuddered quietly staring at Satan eye-to-eye. His cold black eyes focussed on him and nothing else. Billy shuddered quietly, too afraid to look away out of fear of what could happen to him. Yet he was too afraid to keep looking. Billy simply pulled the sheets to his chin staring back at Lucifer, until sleep took his mind.  
  
When he awoke (with a scream). Billy looked around for Satan. He sighed heavily realizing the Prince of Hell had left sometime during the night (People can't torture their own souls, ya know). Billy sighed heavily with relief looking out the window. His eyes widened at the black helicopter hovering outside of the upstairs window. A sniper rifle appeared from the window training a laser point at Little Billy's forehead, "Mommy!" he screamed shortly before the trigger was pulled. There was silence.  
  
From downstairs Steve and June heard Billy scream and the shot ring out. Juned sighed quietly, "Finally...We're free. I thought that doll would never get the job done." she sighed looking exhasperated. Steve chuckled leaning back on his seat. "I know. We don't have to listen to his bitching anymore." he said relieved. June looked upstairs, "Should I take it out?" she said looking almost years younger knowing her brat was dead. He shook his head, "No hun. You rest. I'll take care of it." he said walking upstairs. The agents had cleared out quietly, leaving a note that Mr. Billy's father should make sure this didn't happen again. It wouldn't Steven took the toy outside dumping it on top of the garbage piled high in the trash can. They were free.  
  
From around the corner, came a strange looking young man with knee high boots that ended with what looked like metal pig's feet where the toes would be. Alongside him was floating a bunnie's head. He stopped at the garbage pail, staring at the toy, "Bunny, isn't that the toy all those annoying kids were screaming about over at that toy store?" he said scratching his chin, the rabbit paused looking at it, "Indeed. I really think it's unsafe for children to play with it." Nny nodded quietly picking it up with one hand, "Kinda ugly..I'm going to nail it to my wall." he said nodding continuing on his way back home.  
  
To Everyone who read thus far: Thanks for reading my sick little short story. ^^. I actually wanted to make it bigger and span all twenyty layers of Tickle Me Hellmo, but I was concerned with the length and time consumption of the story. I intend to do some work on another Jhonen fanfic, for those of you who enjoyed this. 


End file.
